Philosophical

So, as expected, I am feeling Philosophical. I spent most of yesterday deep in thought, thinking about how hardened one becomes in life, immune to feeling any compassion and at times living in a self-obsessed bubble. No job is guiltier of adding to this bubble of narcissism than mine. The banking-world, more notably the trading arena, is a fast paced, egotistical, money-hungry world. There’s still a fair share of Ferrari's around, although I think the new purchases in the last few yrs have gone down significantly. Rolex’s are two a penny and holidays to the Maldives are seen as normal form. I am not ashamed to say, as hindsight is a wonderful thing, but it is a world you get easily drawn into at first, blind sided by the material wealth, the cool bars and eating establishments one frequents with clients, the ease with which you can have a dinner at one of the numerous Michelin starred restaurants in London. Or at least back then that was the case, before the age of extreme cost-cutting and the debacle that is the Eurozone currently.
 
I first landed myself in the thick of the zoo that is the trading floor when I was 23. It being 2012 now, red tape abound and everything a little less “sexist” shall we say, things are tamer compared to those days, the late 1990’s were raucous, but to many it would still be an ‘eye-opener’ to see it now. In those days guys thought nothing of spending almost every night in an ‘adult entertainment' club shall we say, expenses were signed and no questions were asked.
 
At the tender age of 23 the trappings impressed me, I was juvenile and inexperienced in life, I wanted to make my mark and prove myself, show I could compete with the men. I still do want to prove myself, I never want to feel I’m not achieving, I just don’t mark my success according to material trappings anymore. Don’t get me wrong I like to work and achieve and by default it enables you to get better things in life, but its not ‘my world’, the be all and end all. I stand on the peripheral now and I watch with vague amusement. I consider myself much more successful now, in the respect that I have an amazing fiancée, wonderful family and friends that are the stalwarts of my very existence, that’s success in a true sense.
 
So as I walk home, past the usual tramp that never begs. This tramp's resilience, the fact he never begs, amazes me. Such an affluent suburb and yet he never begs, things like that stick in my mind, that shows the essence of someone, the inner strength he must have. Despite the cold, the hostile environment that is the streets, the cardboard he lays on as his mattress, he never begs. Never before was it clearer to me, than when I walked past and left him another coffee and a £2 coin, that no matter what trappings you have, its who you are, what you are to the core that counts.
 
So, as turn the light off I can’t help feeling, what is this all about? And just As I turn to dose I answer my own question, it's about being true yourself and never losing site of compassion.

Goodnight
Miss McArbitrage.